BLOG,  MOTHERHOOD

I’VE NEVER BEEN SO TIRED SINCE LOCKDOWN

Is it me or is anyone else experiencing something way beyond exhausted since lock down began? Which is ironic, since our opportunity for movement and exercise is severely limited. But I swear, I am more exhausted now than before lock down.

It can’t be the lie-ins or late nights because I have a toddler, so they don’t exist. Come to think of it, what even is a lie-in?! I think myself lucky if I am still in bed by 6.30am. But this lock down is draining me emotionally and physically.

I’m learning to accept that 12 hours with a toddler is similar to putting on a blindfold, chugging 5 cans of Redbull and sprinting head first off a cliff edge. In summary, you are in a constant state of tension and your danger alert system is supercharged as you wrack your brains for another craft project to keep them entertained for 10 minutes.

Add into the mix, working from home and cooking; cleaning; shopping and you expect to be tired. And since becoming Mums, we’re always tired! Yet this is tired on a whole new level. I feel like there’s a new word or phrase on the tip of my tongue, like ‘Google it’ or ‘Selfie’ that will become the latest trend to describe this exhaustion pandemic affecting millions of mums across the world.

The bags under my eyes are darker than ever. As the days, weeks and months of lockdown mould into one long continuous head f**k, my attempts at self preservation have gone out of the window. I’ve even begun drinking coffee after midday just to get me through until George’s bedtime. Surely this isn’t normal? I had a good look on Google to see if I could assign a self-diagnosis to make me feel better but no joy.

When this began I felt pumped with energy, elated at the opportunity to spend as much time as possible with my son, fiancée. Catch up and dare I say it, get ahead with school work and planning. I made a list of things to do and was determined. Now, it’s day to day survival, as I run out of ideas to keep my toddler entertained. Alcohol on weekends only disappeared somewhere between week 3 and toddler tantrum #15,396.

My mind just won’t switch off.

Slowly but surely as we adapt to a slower pace of life, so does my motivation and mood. Haven’t brushed my hair this morning? No one cares. Haven’t prepared anything for tea? Beans on toast. I’m turning into the ultimate sloth, I mean, I haven’t exercised for over a week. I look in the mirror after completing a 12 hour shift with George and the signs are right there, staring me in the face but I am helpless to fight them off.

Biscuits and yoga pants are my new besties.

They give me comfort and don’t judge me. We’re in this together. Perhaps this slower pace of life suits me?! Is there something I can learn from this to take with me into the future, when we’re allowed back in to the world?

I’m hoping at some point, my brain and stomach will have had enough of sloth life and want to resurrect some form of health or exercise from hibernation. Until then, I fear I‘m at high risk of developing an addiction to coffee (I think it’s clear I’m pretty much there) and really hairy legs!

Spending precious, quality time with my son and family is an absolute gift. Watching them play, learn and grow right without any form of interruption takes me right back to my maternity leave. Embracing what we fondly refer to as ‘island time’ – no rush to go or do anything, The total opposite of what our lives have become. What society demands of us.

I think it’s important to carve out a small window of time for yourself to just sit peacefully and try to recharge our batteries. Whether that’s having a cup of tea outside in the garden, or having a bath instead of a shower for a change. It’s really easy to let the cyclone of parenting at home take control of your life and forget about everyone else. If you’re reading this blog and thinking, ‘that’s me’ treat yourself to a 10 minute break.

You deserve it.