A LOVE LETTER TO MY MUM

Dear Mum,

When I found out I was pregnant, I spent weeks fantasizing over how perfect I was going to be when I became a Mother. How I would, “never do what my Mum did,” or “I hated when my Mum did that.” Embarrassingly, there was a sense of pride in my voice when I stated these grandiose ideas aloud. Little did I know how challenging, testing and isolating motherhood can be.That no matter how complicated our relationship became, you would be there for me in those difficult times, like you always were and always have been.

Thank you. For all of the opportunities you created for me, even though at the time I probably never came across as grateful. With limited resources and minimal family support, you did your best and kept me healthy and safe. You worked two jobs and played the role of both, Mum and Dad.

You watched as I bonded with my Grandmother, in a way that you couldn’t because you were working and earning money to keep a roof over our head. Now I understand the pain that must have caused you, and the damage later on in life that that relationship had on our own.

Thank you, for being creative and producing some wonderful knitted jumpers, cardigans and for making anything you could for me to save money. When I see how much things costs for George, I totally appreciate your efforts to “do it yourself” and more times than not, it probably was better than the shop version.

For all the times you gave up your time, and simply sat and watched me run around an athletics track, play netball, my gymnastics stint, amateur dramatics and cross country in the freezing, miserable British Weather. I was never good enough at any of them to take them up full time, but you always made me feel like I was.

No cooking tastes as good as yours. Even now, I have fond memories and can almost tastes your ginger biscuits and smell your Sunday roasts if I close my eyes. Every year when it was our birthday and we were allowed to request our favourite meal – happy days!

For every sacrifice you made for me. Every time you went without. Every night you didn’t get to put me to bed because you were working.

Sorry for all the nasty and hurtful things I have said. Sorry for not showing you and giving you the respect you deserve. Sorry for not being grateful. Sorry for not telling you that I love you enough.

Now that I am responsible for a human and, I’m trying to balance work, run a house, raise a child and do all things expected of a ‘Mother’ and ‘Woman’ can I truly begin to appreciate how difficult and challenging motherhood as a single parent was.

I just want you to know that I am so grateful that you provided me with as many opportunities and that I was able to achieve many things as an adult, because I had drive and determination. Which I got from you.

Thank you, I love you